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Saturday, April 18, 2015

What makes us the way we are? Gay or str8 or what?

A participant in an online discussion board at JUB asked for some advice about his sexuality. Here are his request (story of his new experience and then my response. There were other responses by a lot of different people, but I'm only putting mine here

I only started thinking about men last summer and tried it 
for the first time a few months ago..... ....... I found a fuck buddy a few weeks ago and make regular visits to his room a couple of times a week now. Basically I always thought of myself as straight, but I prefer to have sex with this guy than other woman.....thats how intense it is for me. 

I was never one for eating a woman's pussy... ........but sucking a big cock is an incredible experiance compared.   
So basically im just not sure what to think anymore, am I gay, straight.........hell I don'
t know anymore??
I realize that the discussion over this type of self-identity struggle is partly WHY this site exists. . However, the reality of my own experience, tells me that trying to categorize yourself is an artificial exercise and mostly will not lead to any absolute definition of whether you are now gay or str8 or bi or whatever. 

It's so human and -- unfortunate in my humble estimation - that we cannot just BE who we are but feel so compelled to fit into someone's (the society and the small part of it that we find ourselves).
I would say you are not gay or straight but just a man who finds pleasure and rewards from sexual and interpersonal relationship on different levels with different genders.
That the sex with men that you've evidently discoverd recently 'feels' so much better isn't so surprising - you've already admitted that it feels 'dirty and more intense' so you can see that the pure adoration of the male anatomy and form is NOT what gives you the biggest thrill in having sex with a man. 

I would venture to guess that's its the freedom from self-repression and the mere fact that you CAN enjoy the lust and the sensuality of it. I suspect that you're holding back something with women - partly because you know you ARE or WILL be more emotionally or spiritually (romantically is the usual word) with them but you feel released from the 'binding' or lingering burden with men -- since you intuitively know you are not going to develop a full-on romantic relationship with him.

That's my take on it .. I am married and have two young adult children but have always been 80% gay. Although I have 

found my relationship with my wife to the most satisfying and important one for me, I still have a constant and intense urge to express my love of male sexuality. I'd say .. 18-20th century definitions of human sexuality are outdated and now in a state of re-definition in the post-modern age. Sorry to go socratic here on you... Just chill and go with it...

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