'Gay travel': Why gay men so obsessed with being separate/different?

Except from a discussion on another site: Dudesnude Travel ForuM

Ash (from Toronto) started off with the topic:

Am I the only one who travels here without having to put "gay itineraries" in my agenda whenever I travel?

I find that a lot of gay guys have this need of searching for places that are gay-friendly, and that really strikes to me as saying "can I cruise for sex here?"

I may be wrong, but chances are I am right about this.
When I travel I focus on the sightseeings, cool things to see, street festivals, kickass pubs and comfy lounges, and such...doesn't matter to me whether it is gay friendly or not.
I mean, yes it would be great to meet other gay guys during my trip, but I just find it that guys are limiting themselves of 'where to go' for a vacation when they're focusing on gay-friendly-accepting-areas.
Sorry if I have offended anyone, but I'm just wondering?

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Response from Sunbuns (me) to Ash's question:

Let me assure you that I am NOT arguing your point.
Just commenting and adding my own opinion.

It is a curious thing. I believe that in the future (hopefully not so long a time to come) that most gays won't be in a position and in the state of mind that limits them to choosing only a 'gay' destination. But -- at that point in time -- there won't be a need for sites such as this one either.

It's a matter of perspective and purpose.

You're on the gay channel -- remember. I am very sure that if you went to a general travel forum -- such as TravBuddies, etc, and similar sites, IF you could ask the members and get an honest answer (from some of those who post travel blogs, photos, review, etc), about who is gay, you'd find a lot are. I am positive you would get a larger than 'average' percentage of members. They are on that site because they want to learn about and talk about travel. Their purpose is not anything else - while people join and visit Dudesnude mainly for other reasons - than to talk about travel.

This site is called 'Dudesnude' for a reason. The population is heavily weighted to guys who are

horny, seeking some kind of gratification (not only sexual), and / or who like looking at (or talking/chatting) with similar guys.

The fact that there are plenty (still a minority) who are here for other reasons or who aren't always looking for sex / hook-ups shouldn't allow you to draw major conclusions about all 'gay' people or gay travelers.

Another thing is your age.

You seem to be of the latter generation (younger) - one that has (possibly) grown up without the layers upon layers of prejudice (still existing to a large degree) and discrimination (exists far, far less than 20-30 years ago) when the 40+ generation was going through late adolescence and young adulthood. Note please; I did not say that your generation has never experienced those things but it's a matter of degree. (We older folks always think things were tougher back in our 'days'. *lol* - so allow me that delusion (although I do believe there is enough truth in the idea. )

It was a different time even 20 years ago - at the time just before the first big AIDS epidemic -- and what seems normal behavior for young gay men nowadays was hardly tolerated at all -- except in some special 'gay' places. Some gay men today tend to think that way. Just one theory.

Another reason may be the way you can express yourself (in your home community) and also what you want out of a vacation may be very different -- sometimes quite extremely so. Coming from liberalized, enlightened Canada, especially a very cosmopolitan place such as Toronto (I think that where you're from) - you probably don't feel the need to go off for a vacation -- just to be your 'gay' self - it is something you can do happily right in your own community - without free of reprisal or even physical danger.

But even today in small town rural America - in Kentucky for example (where I lived most of my adolescence) seeing guys hold hands (or God forbid - kiss) is still an absolute social no-no. There are no gay bars except for a hour or 2 hour drive away and Pride is considered to be one of the 7 deadly sins -- not a summer event for the gay crowd. Gay people still don't have much of a face on the local state college campus even now -- nearly 25 years since my friends and I started the first GLBT Association on that campus.

Your purpose for travel may include things that some people can't (or don't want) to be involved with. Travel seems to be a very highly personalized activity - especially how one perceives of the 'travel' experience and its meaning.

   

A vacation is not the same time as travel -- although travel can also be a vacation is (usually) much more -- especially for people like you and me.

Perhaps some just see the trip (or vacation) as an extended long stay version of 'the one-night stand," whereas you (or me) might see if as something more or different or maybe not. They don't necessarily see their trip (not matter how well planned and expensive) as a real travel experience - but simply as 'vacating' their normal premises (changing spaces -- not 'exchanging' places (becoming someone new by experiencing a new cultural perspective in an unknown place in the word).

For me it is often a time of reflection, self-discovery, having new experiences or cultural lessons, and even spiritual development. But it can also be about sex and physical gratification (pleasure/desire), too. Some people may see it as a combination of all of these.

Perhaps too you're happy with your sexuality and satisfied with your romantic and sexual relationships. So you are looking for that desperately -- like some men are. For many people, the urge to find a 'mate' forms a major part of the agenda for a vacation. So the idea of choosing a 'gay' resort / gay-friendly area increases the chances of consummating that desire.

I agree totally. There are so many wonderful places in the world worth visiting - -why limit yourself by going ONLY to gay 'resorts'. However, it is also true that more and more of these great vacation spots are actively trying to 'recruit' new tourists who are gay and are actively selling themselves as 'gay-friendly' destinations. The average income of gays (in general) is fairly high - so it has become a segment of the population that is often courted by the travel industry.

Semi-flashing: showing dick to a guy who I pass every morning

I know .. I know.. it's not much -- [I'm not referring to my dick] but my small accomplishment. I am probably not a full-fledged flasher / exhibitionist  -- at least not yet. So those men who have jerked off for and  flashed strangers on the street have my admiration, but I cannot yet imitate. Although I have been experimenting with showing some cock using see-thru clothes and open zippers, I've never been able to expose a full limp or erect cock.
I don't really count 'innocent exposure" in the locker room, or a the beach (nude or not) to be hard-core

exhibitionist. I mean - -if nudity is expected and even accepted, it could not really be true exhibitionism.
However, yesterday was a bit different for me and a first for me.

After months of walking the dog in the early morning with a partly open zipper (or in warmer weather in see-thru shorts/pants), I have had my eyes -- targeting my flash.. so to speak..- for a guy who rides his bicycle on his way to work every morning on my dog-walk route through the cemetery nearby.
Over a couple of times in the past months, I've 'surprised' him over a couple of times with me showing in some mesh shorts, then almost see-thru athletic pants, but yesterday, I had my zipper down enough to evidently attract his gaze.
I've seen him take a glance quite a few times, but he's very good at appearing to (or actually) ignoring me.
Yesterday, it seemed to me that I caught his gaze looking directly at my crotch.. I knew my efforts had finally succeeded. 

I had seen him coming and happily this time.. he was completely alone and just crossing busy street right in the center of the cemetery -- so he was distracted enough to not be ready when I approached with the dog.
I like taking my dog along -- not only because the dog needs and enjoys it, but it gives the 'voyeur' victim something to pretend to look at. They can short of glance ahead and down -- -pretending to look a the dog -- but all the while inspecting my crotch. So that is what I think happened yesterday morning. 

I could see him at least 150 ft before he reached me--so I had time to adjust my crotch for optimal (NOT maximum) exposure. I don't want him to take a new route or to call the police or get totally screwed up..
It would only appear to him that I had forgotten to properly shut zip my pants up -- it was NOT a blatant floppy or erect cock staring him in the face. Instead it was an rather innocent and seemingly accidental exposure of part of my flaccid penis.
But -- maybe we'll get there if he keeps showing some interest (or at least a distant fascination). 

The guy intrigues me because he wears exactly the same clothes every single day I have every seen him. It

means that this is his 'uniform' or that he probably just wears them for such a short trip -- to bicycle to his work -- where he changes to his real work clothes -- a uniform. I imagine that he works at the local small airport, but I'm not quite the stalker that will follow him -- although I guess my targeting him so many times until I finally found a time to get more real exposure -- is something close to stalking. I am trying to entice him to look at my cock,  but not shock or disgust him.

Has anybody been involved with semi-flashing like this? Maybe this is just one stage along toward something more daring and more exhibitionistic?

The photo shows what the pants should have looked like to my semi-flash target.


I was beginning to think I was the only person at this level of flashing -- not quite a newbie but not

completely hanging out with a full hard-on for complete strangers. I guess for me -- it's the other guy's squelched feelings of attraction that really intrigue me. It turns me on to think that I am turning him on to his inner wishes - but again I could be totally wrong about my targeted guy. In your case, brettmarried (another user here), you seem to know positively that he is not only noticed but seemed to have a very strong interest in what he was seeing. For my guy, I can't really be sure.. he's rarely even turned his head back (actually there have only been a few times I've managed to "tease" him.
Maybe the challenge of it is kind of fun too.
I have also tried semi-see-through or mesh pants and shorts and have had a quick glance up and down reaction from him. But the incidents are spaced out weeks or even months apart.

Many times the private roadway through the park-like cemetery that he uses (and where I walk my dog) has other people riding and/or walking by. Also this IS a neighborhood where people would and could find me if I were to flash strangers.

I can't try the "oops, I forgot to zip up" tactic too often or he'll get wise.
I've thought next of taking a piss just off the main lane partly behind some trees and to carefully time it so that he has the chance to come up on his bike and sort of catch me with my cock out and pissing -- with a full view of my cock. Doing it that way still boarders on 'accidental' flashing.  

Hey, are there any more guys here who are semi-flashing like this? I realize some of you guys are much braver and far beyond this sort of level of flashing. But there may be more like me and brett.. any similar experiences?